


Worth Saving

by SolarBalrog



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adventure, Anders (Dragon Age) Positive, Angst, Chantry critical, Depression, Drama, Eventual romance and fluff, Found Family, Friendship, Happy Anders, Hurt/Comfort, Justice (Dragon Age) Positive, Party Banter, Past Abuse, Trauma Recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:40:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23613901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolarBalrog/pseuds/SolarBalrog
Summary: The Inquisition agents find and capture the infamous apostate Anders and bring him in to be judged by the Inquisitor. She surprises everyone, Anders the most, by making him work for the Inquisition to redeem himself. It's definitely not the justice he was looking for, but maybe he can find some forgiveness in the Inquisition's ranks. Will he be able to reach inner peace living with Justice and balancing relationships?
Relationships: Anders & Cole, Anders & Justice, Cole & Justice (Dragon Age), TO BE DETERMINED - Relationship, past Anders/Karl Thekla - Relationship
Kudos: 16





	1. Welcome to Skyhold

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Dragon Age -video games, their characters and the world doesn't belong to me and isn't my original work. Just this product of fiction is.
> 
> Welcome! This is my first time posting on AO3, so I hope this will work out alright. English isn't my native language and I kindly welcome you to note me of any mistakes in the comments. Do leave kudos and comments if you like my work, let me know what you think and what you like! Feedback keeps me going as an author. :)
> 
> I've wanted to write an Anders in Inquisition -fic for a while but reading Sugarhihihello's fic [Undeserving](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3919051/chapters/8774614) gave me enough inspiration to finally start myself. Big thanks to my beta, check out their [tiktok](https://vm.tiktok.com/ns6Qvk/)!
> 
> Follow me on samwis.tumblr.com!

Anders had been running for so long. He was exhausted, mind, body, and spirit, but he knew it'd be the end if he stopped now, if they caught him. The Inquisition would kill him. He tripped and fell into a puddle of mud in his weakened state, out of mana and breath heaving. Anders heard the Inquisition agents rushing closer. He looked up and saw them in their armor, the blazing sword and the glaring eye engraved on the chest.

_We have to fight back. This isn't fair._

_But I'm so tired of running._

The agents surrounded him, their weapons drawn. Anders didn't move and stayed on the ground, breathing heavily, his skin crackling with Justice's bright blue light but he held back. He was in control. Maybe it was time he faced his sentence. Faced real justice for what he'd done. 

\---

It took a couple of weeks to travel from the Free Marches to the Frostback Mountains. Anders didn't see much of the Skyhold from the carriage they escorted him in, but the agents helped him up and out once they stopped in the middle of the courtyard. Anders already heard the buzz in the crowd, lots of people had stopped to linger and watch. Anders and the agents with him were approached by four heavily armored guards and someone who Anders hadn't thought he'd ever see again. The name died in his throat and he coughed dryly, staring at Cullen Rutherford.

Cullen was wearing well-polished but worn armor with red cloth on top, something dark and fluffy on his shoulders. Anders tensed at the templar heraldry of the flaming sword on his bracer. He also had a scar on his lip that Anders hadn't seen before in Kirkwall.

Anders could see the disgust and hatred, as well as fear, in Cullen's eyes as he stared him down, "Take him in the prison to wait for the Inquisitor's judgement," he said, his voice icy with wrath and he stood still, his hand on the hilt of his sword. Anders could see from the way his throat clenched that Cullen had a lot more he wanted to tell him. He knew he'd get his piece later.

Anders glared at Cullen but could feel the cold dread sinking in his stomach. The Inquisition of the old had hunted down dangerous mages and heretics, and the commander was none other than Meredith's second-in-command. With every step the guards walked him past Cullen and through the courtyard, he felt the impending death creep up, its cold fingers reaching for the back of his neck. Anders was certain death was coming for him. He had his gaze cast down at his feet as he heard the people gossiping around, talking about Kirkwall, the Chantry, Hawke, the war...

He didn't pay much attention to their surroundings, vaguely noticing that the guards led him indoors and through dimly-lit hallways and stairs down, down, all the way to the prison. The guards shoved him in one of the cells and stayed outside of it, keeping an eye on him. Anders rested his elbows on his knees and held his head, fighting off a headache. He was thirsty, hungry and cold. Justice was quiet, and Anders was left alone in the silence, under the judgemental stares of the guards who looked more like templars. There were no other prisoners present and Anders wondered what the Inquisitor had done to them if there had been any.

Anders wasn't sure for how long he sat there stuck with his own thoughts of how creative the Inquisitor would get with her punishments when finally he heard footsteps approaching his cell. The guards straightened their backs and hailed the people approaching. They finally stepped in Anders' field of vision, and he found himself looking at Cullen, a Dalish female elf, a woman with short red hair and another woman with darker skin, carrying a writing tablet. Anders stayed seated even though he could sense the authority radiating from the four of them, asking for his respect.

"You must be the Inquisitor," Anders broke the silence that stretched between them, "I heard you were an elf."

"Yes, that's me. And you're Anders?" she asked. She had a square face and long brown hair, light green eyes and her face was decorated with dark red vallaslin. Anders didn't know enough about the elvhen pantheon to try to guess which deity it was for.

"Yes, that's me. Guilty as charged," Anders said dryly, eyeing her and glancing at the three other people.

"... I want to talk to him, alone," the Inquisitor said. Cullen looked like he was about to say something, but she gave him a stern look, "It'll be fine, I have soldiers here. And I'm not helpless."

"We'll be right outside, your Worship," the darker woman bowed her head and the three advisors reluctantly left the space.

The elf stepped closer to the bars, "So. Tell me your story."

\---

Anders really didn't know what good his side of the story had done. Ellana Lavellan had been kind and listened to him, with minimal reactions. He had no clue what was going on inside her head, if she was furious or disgusted. He'd told her about meeting Justice and how they'd come to merge together, how he had fled Ferelden and set up a clinic for refugees in Kirkwall. How he had met Garrett Hawke and the rest of the crew, how they'd been friends for years. Anders told her about the abuse he witnessed, how angry it made him. He had tried the peaceful route for so many years but no matter how many templars he reported, how many mages he helped out of the Gallows, nothing changed. Everything escalated very quickly and he'd been driven by desparation.

_"Do you regret what you did?"_

_"Do you want my honest answer?"_

Lavellan had then left, sending a cold shiver down Anders' spine.

Now, on the following day, the guards escorted him out of his cell.

"Get up. It's time for your judgement, apostate," one of them spat. Their grip on him was strong, unnecessarily so considering that Anders was thin and not struggling at all.  
Anders had made his peace with dying that day. Years ago right after the Chantry had exploded, the Justice side of him knew he had to die to give justice to the innocent victims, but... now Justice didn't want him to die. They'd become quite attached to each other. Anders could feel the spirit throbbing beneath his skin, wanting to fight and flee Skyhold, but Anders shook his head, "I deserve this. This should have happened a long time ago," he thought and Justice stopped fighting but was still very close and ready to jump out to defend Anders, "It will be alright. I've wanted this," he kept telling Justice, telling himself.

The guards walked Anders upstairs and they entered the large main hall. A large crowd had gathered by the walls and even up on the second floor. Anders looked around quietly and he felt his heart jump up to his throat when he saw none other than Varric and Hawke near the throne. They were standing on the left side, the Inquisitor's advisors on the right side. Anders paled, staring at Varric and Hawke, his mouth opening and then closing. His face then reddened with shame when he felt their angry and betrayed looks on his skin. The guards walked him in front of the throne. Anders turned to watch Cullen as the commander stepped forward to address Lavellan.

"Your Worship, I present to you Anders, the apostate mage guilty of destroying the Chantry of Kirkwall, resulting in many casualties and sparking the mage rebellion. Not to forget killing templars. I'm sure that Kirkwall would be eager to have him."

"Many say that what you did has changed Thedas forever," Lavellan spoke, her voice strong, staring down at Anders, "But this war between mages and templars has been brewing for many years. It was bound to happen sooner or later," there was a heavy pause, "What say you of these accusations?"

"They're all true," Anders spoke and looked up, meeting Lavellan's eyes with his own golden brown, "I've told you my story. I'm anything but an innocent man."

"Quite. Some call you an abomination, but you're also a spirit healer and have the talents of a Grey Warden even if you aren't with the order anymore. You have many valuable attributes," Lavellan spoke. 

Anders raised his brow surprised. Was she saying what he thought she was..? Cullen had apparently come to the same conclusion, "Your Worship..."

"I've had to judge a mage in this very room who had used his powers for ill intentions, and I let him live. He works for the Inquisition now. I prefer not to waste lives. You told me you want justice? You'll work for the Inquisition as a healer and aid our research. By saving lives and helping us against Corypheus you'll have your redemption yet, Anders."

Anders stared at Lavellan in shock as the guards took off his binds. The crowd's noise became white noise in Anders' ears as he heard Justice clear in his head.

_We made it._

He knew he should be relieved, happy even... but all he felt was crushing disappointment.


	2. Hello, Hawke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope everyone's well today. I'm going to try to write wordier chapters, it's been a long time since I've written fanfiction like this, oof.

Everything that happened around Anders became a blur for a moment that felt like an eternity as he recognised why he was so upset. He had wanted to die. He really had. He hadn't realised when he had hit such a low point... but the last couple of years had been extremely difficult. Anders' cheeks and eyes burned with shame and guilt - he had spent most of his life running away, trying to stay alive and be free... and now he wanted to give up?

  
As Anders thought about his feelings, he heard the Inquisitor tell him he was to have a handler, someone to keep an eye on him at all times until they could trust him. Anders was also given restricted access in Skyhold, not allowed to wander around as he wished. He managed to nod to signal that he had heard Lavellan, still struggling to pay attention to his surroundings. He looked around the room and saw that Hawke was lingering there, like he wanted to stay and talk. Their eyes met in a long stare, Hawke's filled with conflicted emotions. Anders tried to steel himself and nodded, a silent promise that they would have their discussion, and then Cullen approached him. They waited in agonizing silence for the crowd to leave which took a couple of minutes. Anders' body had tensed out of instinct in Cullen's presence and the ex-templar started escorting him with the two soldiers out of the main hall. 

  
The soldiers didn't have a hold on Anders but they stayed close to him as they walked up some stairs and into a corridor on the second floor. Cullen was leading them, Anders noticing that the commander was just as tense and stressed as he was. At least some feelings were mutual. He simply couldn't forget about the way Cullen had said that mages weren't people, how he'd been Meredith's second-in-command at Kirkwall. One didn't get that high up the ladder by being a good person towards the mages. Anders could feel Justice's anger pounding behind his eyes. He was curious to find out what had made Cullen leave the templars to work for the Inquisition which the Chantry wasn't too fond of at the moment. It was... a peculiar situation.

They stopped in front of a plain wooden door, "This is your room for now," the commander said, his voice pulled taut like an arrow on a tense bowstring, "You're not allowed to leave it without someone to accompany and keep an eye on you."

"This really brings back memories of Kinloch, doesn't it?" Anders cocked his head and stared at Cullen. 

Cullen's eyes steeled and he yanked the door open forcefully, "Get in," he nearly growled, "One of you, stay here. Don't let him out of your sights," he gestured at the soldiers and started walking away.

"He really hasn't gotten any more patient with age, has he?" Anders asked dryly and gave a smile to one of the soldiers who looked away quickly. 

Anders shook his head when there was no response and walked into his room, which he noticed to be rather small and bare. The door behind him was shut and Anders' shoulders dropped as the tension left his body. He finally got a moment to be alone, catch his breath, and think about what kind of trouble he had gotten himself in now.

He sat down on the bed and cringed at how thin the mattress was and how everything was covered with a layer of dust. It seemed like no one had used the room yet, but at least there weren't any gaping holes in the wall and the furniture looked to be in good shape. There was the bed, a closet, a desk partnered with a creaky looking chair and a nightstand. The furniture didn't leave him much room to walk around, but he supposed he didn't need it. Anders took a deep breath and immediately regretted it, going to crack the window open. It was a little stuck but he managed to wiggle it open, the breeze of fresh mountain air making him relax. 

Anders saw outside his window a view of a garden that he hadn't known was there. He saw a gazebo there, lots of people sitting and walking around, enjoying the serenity. He noticed that lots of space had been arranged to plant vegetables and herbs in, but none was growing yet. Maybe he could help with the work there at some point.

  
A series of demanding knocks disrupted his thoughts and Anders spun around to look at the door. He had no time to brace himself when Hawke opened the door, stepping in and closing the door after himself. Anders swallowed, getting nervous and felt quite compelled to jump out the small window, "Hello, Hawke."

"I'm still Garrett. You can call me that," Hawke said and stepped closer. Though the man had walked in quite enthusiastically, he didn't seem upset, just antsy.

Anders swallowed thickly and eyed the rogue from head to toes. He didn't look that different from the last time they'd seen each other, but Hawke seemed tougher, more worldly than before, "Garrett. It's been a while, I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me. I'm sorry to disappoint you," he smiled a little.

"I'm only disappointed to see you caught here," Hawke sighed, "After Kirkwall, I just wanted you to go and be free, settle down somewhere maybe. What happened?"

Anders sighed and turned around, looking outside, "I was coming back from Tevinter when Inquisition agents found me. What are you doing with them?" he asked upset, "I thought you were on the mages' side."

"What do you mean? I am on your side, you know I hate the Circles," Hawke frowned confused.

"But the Inquisition fights magic, right? It's practically a Templar order, isn't it?" Anders was getting quite confused himself and turned back to look at Hawke.

"No, this Inquisition is, uh, apparently just trying to restore peace between the mages and templars, figure out a way for everyone to coexist. Right now it's pretty busy fighting Corypheus though," Hawke explained, "I don't know too much, I'm just here to help take down that ancient darkspawn. If you want to know about the Inquisition itself, you should probably talk with Lavellan herself or one of her advisors."

"That's what they might say to the public..," Anders said reluctantly, pessimistic. It was hard to believe that a group of people actually wanted to do something good for the mages.

"Lavellan is a mage, though, and she recruited the mage rebellion led by Grand Enchantress Fiona to be the Inquisition's allies. I'm pretty sure they want to improve mages' rights," Hawke told Anders whose eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"What? Really...? That's... That's incredible," he said quietly, positively shocked, "So you think they're really trying to do something good here?"

"I sure hope so, and that's what I've witnessed so far. I don't think they're rotten, Anders," Hawke said and stepped closer, swallowing thickly. Anders shifted in mild discomfort under Hawke's gaze, "I'm glad to see you're okay."

"And I'm glad you're not yelling in my face," Anders' cheeks flushed faint pink and he looked away.

"Of course not. How- How is everything with Vengeance?" Hawke asked.

Anders frowned and looked back up. Whatever affection had stirred in his chest dissipated, "Justice is fine. We're alright... He's been more quiet since Kirkwall. We've helped a lot of apostates and refugees we've come across. He likes it."

Hawke sighed, "So you still haven't gotten rid of him?"

"We're one, Hawke. There is no getting rid off him, he's here to stay and I like it that way," Anders said firmly, final.

Hawke clearly wasn't happy to hear that but held his tongue, "There's an elven mage here, Solas. Varric says he knows a lot to do with Fade. You should talk to him about this," and he went to change the topic, "Well, I'll take my leave. It was good to see you, Anders."

"Yes, you too," Anders said reluctantly. He had always appreciated Hawke's friendship, treasured it, and even fell for the man. Hawke had never returned those feelings, or anyone else's, but it was alright. Anders was simply glad that Hawke supported the mages' cause, but he didn't like the way Hawke treated Justice, like Justice was to blame for everything Anders had done. It was not so, they were one and made their own bed together. 

Hawke left and Anders sat down on the bed once more, sighing heavily. Anders ran his hands over his face and realised he must've looked truly awful.  
"Hey, could I get a wash basin, a towel and a razor?" he called out.

  
\---

  
An hour later Anders felt better, clean and his face shaved. He missed his staff which the Inquisition had taken away from him, but he could do well without it. A mage didn't need a staff to be dangerous.

After he'd cleaned up and changed, a healer came to fetch him for his new duties. The healer introduced herself as Marilou. She was a brunette woman in her fourties and judging by her accent and name, Anders was confident to say she was an Orlesian. He was curious since he'd never been to Orlais, but focused on the job at hand. Marilou seemed like an Andrastian by the way she acted around him, but he could forgive that. As a healer she was experienced and knew what to ask of Anders. Though he was disliked greatly amongst the people, she'd been made aware of his talents as a spirit healer and Anders got to work. It was a welcome distraction from the depressive thoughts lurking in his mind.

He moved from cot to cot, taking care of broken bones, deep lacerations and other injuries, holding someone down as their leg had to be amputated and brewing healing potions. Anders got lost in the healing, back in a familiar routine. All the years with Circle studies and healing in Kirkwall left him confident in his abilities to help, and merging with Justice had strengthened his connection to the Fade. Calling his magic was as easy as breathing. Anders worked until sundown, finally heading inside for dinner with a chaperone when Marilou gave him the permission. She seemed to tolerate him a lot better at the end of the day, glad to see he was helpful. 

  
Anders ate his dinner in the kitchens with the servants, not feeling comfortable bumping into any people of rank in the Inquisition. The soldier with him didn't care, seeming bored and just glad that Anders wasn't any trouble. After he was done, he got up and stretched.

"Marilou mentioned a library. Could I see it before my bedtime?" he raised a brow at his guard.

  
The guard sighed and rolled his eyes, "Fine, but briefly," Anders could tell by the way the man stiffled his yawns that he was tired.

  
"I'll be real quick," Anders winked and the two of them started walking up the tower.

  
It was around nine o'clock in the evening and the library was quiet. Anders could tell by all the research and books spread about that it must be where most of the mage alliance worked. He noticed the famous Fiona drinking tea in a little nook and let her be, focusing on browsing the many shelves. 

  
Anders noticed many interesting books but some of them he had already read during his time in the Circle. There were some that really did peak his interest but then he noticed a book written by Varric on a little table and picked it up fondly, a faint smile on his lips.

  
"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" he heard from behind him and turned to look at one of the most gorgeous men he'd ever seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment/kudos if you liked the chapter :)


End file.
